Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Chaos, confusion, creativity and resilience

"We may not be interested in chaos, but chaos is interested in us."

- Robert Cooper "The Breaking of Nations: Order and Chaos in the 21st Century

My world is changing. It is in a state of flux. Even worse, that flux isn't constant. Sometimes it moves at a slow pace, other times it barages me. My world expands and then becomes smaller and then smaller before it explodes. Not exactly an easy situation to wrap myself around.

The world is getting larger. With the amount of information available to me on a daily basis, I have to be able to evaluate and discriminate it's relative value without any conscious thought. I can't sit there listing all my values, all my the information available to me and create a comparison charts. Rather I have to know what I want and go after it with intensity. A fire in my belly. This fire burns through confusion . If I have patience and balance I will reach my goal. So I learned to breathe.

The world is getting smaller. I find more and more people in my life with the same yearnings and hopes. They want to be successful. They want to have a sense of freedom. I think the world is yearning for something more. They want to feel alive. I don't know when we started to feel dead, but it probably happened when we tried to become adults. As we start to identify with each other's struggles for not only success but survival as well, we become closer; compadres so to speak. One day we'll be asked to save each other's lives. And a child's mind is our avenue to salvation. Sometimes we forget how damned we are.

I empty myself and feel. I feel myself and I fill. I fill myself and express. I express myself and empty. Rinse and repeat.


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